I continue to be amazed about what a certain spinning class has taught me about internal resolve. In the mid 1970’s when I was neck deep in the running craze that had swept the nation, I learned to develop a deeper understanding about being uncomfortable in the anaerobic state. What I learned was that once I was unable to breathe through my nose I knew that I was running in an oxygen deficit activity that could only be relieved when the race was over.
Wait a minute now it’s 2010 and I am long past my competitive running days, why do I want to even talk about being out of breath and why am I challenging myself so hard at 59? First off my age is just a number that means nothing while I still breathe. Secondly part of me still wants to know just how far I can push myself. This class which is part Zen part 12 step gives me a sense that I am still very much alive and that my life challenges that still lie before me I can face and leave the doubts I have behind. Doubt can be a debilitating specter that hangs over me and leaves me breathless for inspiration to defeat it. Instead my spinning class has provided the metaphor that I don’t have to beat doubt it simply exists and it’s only the time spent dwelling on it that gives it its energy. I acknowledge it just like I would do any adversary and use its shadow energy to fuel my internal resolve.
Where does this resolve come from? For me I use the essence of all the marathons I did at half my age, which still resides underneath my solar plexus. I had forgotten that so many times I had to dig deep to finish those races and when I was out of breath it was pure determination that got me to that overhead digital clock and the end of the race. Now there is no finish line only the one that exists in the seconds Kristen counts down. I am finding that same determination that was just in a long slumber and it works just as well as it did 30 years ago. Its not about my age its just about my internal resolve which lies just underneath my solar plexus.
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