An extraordinary Monday morning KSC found me dragging just a bit because I hate Mondays (The Boomtown Rats did in 1981 as well) As per usual along about ½ way through the class I was starting to feel just a bit chipper. Evil Woman as his her wont occasionally will plate the 6-minute version of Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. KJ warned me a few seconds in not to have a heart attack because I take off on a visceral journey especially when I hear that particular song. Even though I have listened to it hundreds of times over the past 26 years since its release in 1986 it still rocks me to the bone. . I don’t know why it does I suppose my life as a dancer that lingers from a half lifetime ago.
As the song played I turned to my left and was warned quite succinctly by the young rider next to me: Don’t Sweat on Me! Well my righteous indignation hit my solar plexus like a knife plunged deep into my thoracic cavity. I thought unconsciously who does she think she is warning me? I have been here 10 years how long have you been? 10 weeks? Don’t you know who I am? My ego was bruised and I needed to be out of her proximity in a hot minute. I spied a bike behind my friend Roy and promptly unclipped and mounted #7. I instantly felt better but as my anger began to subside I knew that I had to apologize to my spin mate once the class was over. One of the AA tenants has taught me the axiom: When we are wrong we promptly admit it. I was wrong and although some might say she was rude or out of line admonishing me but it wasn’t about her it was my reaction that was inappropriate. I cannot take anyone’s inventory I can only take mine. I was judging her. I wasn’t giving her the space she needed to feel safe and the fact I thought she was the miscreant it was yours truly that was at fault. Coincidentally Kristen was talking about staying out of judgment, which I for the most part I do but when instincts are in collision, emotions clash and it’s never pretty.
My friends in the locker room watched the little passion play and immediately came to my defense, which was nice of them, but I knew righteous indignation is a dangerous place to go especially this recovering alcoholic.
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