With All of You

Kristen played me so nonchalant this morning as if she had nothing in store for me but that was quickly extinguished when she announced my birthday.  My spin crush is 3 years old now and if it were not for the Evil Woman I would still be in isolation on the going nowhere elliptical in the main studio. I am still going nowhere on my stationary Schwinn but it feels like I’ve been around the world several times on a voyage that has given me several paradigm shifts in the way I think ,write, speak and feel. My physique has improved markedly but it’s the group therapy that has really lifted me from times that might have been sadness and despair and replaced it with hope and the ability to be present in the 4% solution each day.  

The gift that either God or my Paternal Grandfather gave me to have the ability to put words together in a sentence could never have been manifest had I not finally relented and listened as Kristen called me to what I call home, The Lavender Palace.  There is a magic here that makes Disney Land seem carnival like by comparison. Where else can you find 55 people that are in a harmonized Zen like trance wherein we become empathic to each other and experience genuine authentic feelings toward one another.  Exercise at this level opens our hearts and allows us to be truly vulnerable free from being judged or talked about unless it’s to our faces. I am Home here and I know He has a plan for me just across that Blue Lake. 

KJ played not 1 or 2 but 3 of Erasure’s greatest songs IMO (in my opinion) and each one carries with it a memory truly singular in nature. Whether it was my life as a dancer, becoming a sober man or a man deeply in love. These compositions reflect my life in a microcosm. I guess that is why I get so cranked and lose my breath each time I hear them or as it was today listening to them with all of you.  There are moments that I feel like an electric outlet because so many have plugged in to me and savored my energy leaving my battery drained dead. No energy vampires here because when I put out my amperage you juice me back and the circuit is complete.

I could never have it any other way without all of you and however long this living dream lasts you all will be on my hard drive somewhere in the Matrix of John McQueen.  

Eyes Wide Shut

From takeoff to landing our rising star Dana Varela Mancini gave a monster performance in her Wednesday slot at 8:30.  Although slated for 45 minutes Ms. M. kept us soaring for a few minutes more and as my wheels touched down I was flying most of the ride with my eyes closed. She has this sensory deprivation thing going on and as we have garnered this brings us into an altered state. Shut down one of our senses and the other 4 go on a rampage making up the difference. 

In addition to the gli occhi chiusi (eyes closed) she had us channeling too! A moving meditation on a stationary bike is not only novel but also a way outside the box trip.  What could be safer than to be on a going nowhere conveyance and taking a voyage inside the mind? Dana was smooth as silk in her delivery too without so much as a Jackie Gleason hum a na hum a na.  

Dana is the new hot ticket! Believe it boys and girls.  

Dreams

The pause that refreshes was just what the Dr. ordered for my two wheels, which of late have been racked with pain. Two days off can be a small miracle in how we feel. And when I walked out of the club today I felt more refreshed than in many a month. Our one wheeled bike needs lubricity and so do we with our two.  

When Kristen lowered the volume on her music this morning she started an unrehearsed soliloquy about her father.  I was riveted because the energy that emanates when she talks about her dad is so palpable you can cut it with a knife.  The story didactic in nature told of a dream David W. Bean had about getting his pilots license born possibly out of the many sightings of The Blue Angels with his young charge Kristen back in the day.  Funny about how dreams come true they start in the mind and harnessed by that power and a strong belief system these dreams often become a reality. Sort of like our spin class we put in the footwork so to speak and our bodies become transformed like a sculptor who takes a block of stone and carves out the artistic image of a body God created. 

It’s nearly 3 years since I entered the CS and my life has been transformed and although part of my life has died a new dream has taken its place and with each passing day I know where I’m headed. Dreams start in the mind and play out in the life we make.  

Righteous Indignation

An extraordinary Monday morning KSC found me dragging just a bit because I hate Mondays (The Boomtown Rats did in 1981 as well) As per usual along about ½ way  through the class I was starting to feel just a bit chipper.  Evil Woman as his her wont occasionally will plate the 6-minute version of Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. KJ warned me a few seconds in not to have a heart attack because I take off on a visceral journey especially when I hear that particular song. Even though I have listened to it hundreds of times over the past 26 years since its release in 1986 it still rocks me to the bone. . I don’t know why it does I suppose my life as a dancer that lingers from a half lifetime ago. 

As the song played I turned to my left and was warned quite succinctly by the young rider next to me: Don’t Sweat on Me! Well my righteous indignation hit my solar plexus like a knife plunged deep into my thoracic cavity. I thought unconsciously who does she think she is warning me? I have been here 10 years how long have you been? 10 weeks? Don’t you know who I am?  My ego was bruised and I needed to be out of her proximity in a hot minute. I spied a bike behind my friend Roy and promptly unclipped and mounted #7. I instantly felt better but as my anger began to subside I knew that I had to apologize to my spin mate once the class was over. One of the AA tenants has taught me the axiom: When we are wrong we promptly admit it. I was wrong and although some   might say she was rude  or out of line admonishing me but it wasn’t about her it was my reaction  that was inappropriate. I cannot take anyone’s inventory I can only take mine.  I was judging her. I wasn’t giving her the space she needed to feel safe and the fact I thought she was the miscreant it was yours truly that was at fault. Coincidentally Kristen was talking about staying out of judgment, which I for the most part I do but when instincts are in collision, emotions clash and it’s never pretty. 

My friends in the locker room watched the little passion play and immediately came to my defense, which was nice of them, but I knew righteous indignation is a dangerous place to go especially this recovering alcoholic.  

Hot Spin

A little heat never killed anyone after all we generate a ton in every class. When we walked in to the CS today it was like a sauna blast and quite frankly it surprised me that some were so taken aback by the change in temperature. We endure one of the hardest workouts devised by woman and keep coming back for more so the fact that we had to deal with a heated studio seemed quite frankly atypical of just how tough we are. 

By the time the class was half way through the heat was a non event and we were hard at work to the business at hand which was another great workout crafted by the Evil Woman.  The Lavender Palace was packed as usual and I am telling you the signup window seems to be getting narrower. My hand to eye coordination is pretty good and all I could lay claim to was bike 26. No matter I tell myself anywhere in the studio is just fine with me. I had bike 6 on Thursday and it seems to give a great panorama of my fellow spin mates. I love seeing who is in class as my friend-acquaintance list is ever growing. Fraintances as I like to think of most of you.  

I love Saturday KSC even more than Thursdays for some reason. The weekend gives me the most relaxing felt sense than any other day. Spinning is for me a great way to empty my mind and one of the best forms of meditation. Most might think meditation occurs in a quite still place but I think it happens every time I clip in. Here I can lock out the world and these 60 minutes helps me face just about anything.   

Dancing With Myself

It used to be lonely when I took to the dance floor back in the 80’s whether it be at 231 or Metro 700. Hell who might want to dance with a 140-pound man in one-piece black spandex and white capezios?  I often danced to that Billy Idol tune and it usually involved gesticulations of the body not often seen back then. I owe whatever dancing prowess I have to my maternal grandfather. He was a champion ballroom dancer and was known affectionately as “crazy legs.”  Dancing was my passion too ever since they crowded around me in a circle in the gym back in the 5th grade when Chubby Checker sang The Twist. 

In 2013 I am never alone in KSC and I like it that way! We have one of the greatest instructors in the world in Kristen and there’s never a better way to spend a Saturday morning with all of you and our Queen of Spin.  She is looking particularly resplendent lately and her smile has returned in a most spectacular way. My spirits were so low these past two days and this spin class brought me back to an even keel.  I have all of you to thank for that. Did you miss my voice box these past two weeks? Don’t answer that. 

I couldn’t believe the first 15 minutes today were devoted to the 80s and it is my fervent hope that KJ considers a thematic ride once in awhile because it is such a turn on. Although when the music of my life hits my visceral heartstrings I almost feel like I could expire right there in the saddle. So maybe it’s a good thing I hear Michael Jackson now and again. 

God I love it in here. Oh BTW KJ my birthday is in 3 weeks January 26th a Saturday. Just sayin’. It’s shameless of me to say that but well maybe these entries get me a ticket to ride.  

Where's Tinkerbell?

She is the only one in the room that can utter those words. We are all but Tinkerbelle’s next to her, but Tinkerbelle’s lungs never looked as big as the ones we have now because of the Evil Woman. 

I needed some fairy dust today just to pull through and in the end I made it with just enough energy to unclip and limp through the short and dirty version of the stretch.  But let’s back up a bit and talk about today’s ride. 

KG has added Tabata into our training, which consists of 8 sets of 20-second intervals at maximum effort with 10-second pullbacks. These are daunting to say the least and I cannot even think about counting how many are left, as I have to stay within each one lest I fall back in the effort at hand.  There are the breakaways, and breathless intervals but Tabata takes the former two to another dimension, The Outer Limits.

I continue to be amazed how attracted I am almost magnetically to the new ritual in my life. It is of course not for the faint of heart and if it were not for the marathon training that consumed my life 30 years ago I do not know if I spin the whole hour. Desire is not enough you have to go beyond desire because desire gets tired and gives up readily when faced with being uncomfortable.  It’s a hunger because hunger can never be sated unless its satisfied.  Desire doesn’t breathe heavy enough (not in the CS anyway) but hunger is a kind of force that has to be reckoned with.

These are killer sessions because if anyone else is up in #41 we might be able to B.S. (and that is not Bachelor of Science) our way through.  But you just can’t because when you watch Kristen she is not lollygagging her way through she is kicking her own posterior.  And being witness to that we have to ask ourselves how can we have the audacity not to kick ours? That is why we are here not only to train our bodies but our minds as well and in these spinning sessions I have rediscovered myself, my energy, my drive and how I seize the day.  And when I encounter challenges that follow in the day they all seem like a paper cup ready to be crushed.    

Come on Tinkerbelle get off your buttocks and gun it.