Working My Ass Off

 I have not seen my ass in the CS since the beginning of spring. As soon as I head for spin class it runs to the elliptical to read the N.Y. Times Digest. Working my ass off? I don’t know what the hell I am sitting on but it’s not my ass.

Sunday Import

It’s not often that a team can bring in their own “ringers” but this Sunday in Roslyn that’s exactly what we did.  At home in Woodbury we are in our element. Geographically today we are in essence out of ours but with enough familiar faces we have in effect taken the home team on the road complete with our own raving fans, us.

It reminds me of Camden Yards in Baltimore and the Yankees have come to town and a “Let’s Go Yankees” chant erupts from all over the Stadium.  This is what it felt like today. A much darker studio than our pedaling grounds but nonetheless I saw so many of the faces I have come to recognize and their returning smiles to my countenance gave me a slight rush.    It was, how else to say it comfortable.

Once the music started and we saw Kristen clip in three times, (Two bikes with broken clips) we were home. It had the ambience of   the visitor’s park but it seemed like it was ours now. Those home team riders will just have sit back in awe and watch a finely trained precision team go to work and workout. 

Kristen took off her kid gloves that she usually wears on Tuesdays and the bare-knuckle approach must have left had an indelible mark on their collective chins because the Kindergarten Cop was nowhere to be seen. And 

She's No Cupcake

I did not hear the short story about Kristen’s 7 year old but as the story goes, it seems Master Gagne was innocently referring to female protuberances as “cupcakes”.   A very interesting observation from a 7-year-old male who may not realize what he might have more than a passing interest in as he enters the pubescent zone. 

As long as we are on the subject of confectionary delights, it might give us the impression that KSC has some “soft” spots.  I can answer with a resounding AYKM?  It is remarkable to me when we do finish a ‘road’ and Kristen tells us to back off and grab water, we for a moment think we can relax. Nothing could be further from the truth.  It seems like only milliseconds pass and she is urging: “Come on up”. 

Again today the focus was recovery and it felt as if I was exerting my willpower to try to bring my heart rate down as quickly as possible.  After banishing the word ‘rest’ from my vocabulary recovery seems very appealing like the girl with the curl.  The power of the mind has the capability of laser like focus and today had me zeroing in toggling back and forth between breathless and the hard zone.

We had a new member on Thursday and he of all things to wear had donned a “Grumpy” T-shirt from the 7 Dwarf collections.  No sooner did our host spy that did he get permanently named so. In fact Kristen didn’t even want to know his given name. I spoke to him in the locker room afterwards and he was lamenting his choice of wardrobe. I told him I was happy he passed on “Dopey”. He breathed a sigh of relief because he owns that one as well.  When you wear a target like that it’s as if you are wearing a sign that says, “Kick Me”.

How about QOTD (Question of the day) Today’s question comes from John McQueen the alter ego of Jack Briant and he writes:  How long does Kristen really think 5 seconds is? I can sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall faster than that. 

Evil Woman

A rare treat, Thursday 8:30 spin in KSC.  Either I never got up early enough or I have been opting for Thursday night with the Blue Sapphire not sure why I have not taken this edition. 

Summer is rearing its solar power aided by its cousin humidity and it brings out my love/hate relationship with AC. I love the fresh air but when the air is still and stifling I bow to the artificial atmosphere that air conditioning provides.

I just heard that Carolyn will vacate her evening slot but Tripp will fill in as substitute. No worries that’s a heads heads coin. 

I of course cannot be sure ever what the demeanor of Kristen will be when she enters the CS because it is never the same ‘road’.  She presents a multi faceted personality that is always entertaining and of course didactic. She it would appear does not let the preceding parts of her life ever interfere but rather it seems to fuel her rationale to take each session to another level. Most professionals can compartmentalize their inside life vs. their outside mirror.

When I heard ELO play “Evil Woman” I instantly felt the visceral chord being struck crosswise on my solar plexus and the rush of adrenaline fueled a noticeable increase in my pedal stroke intensity.  When KG turned to me and said: Will this be the title of today’s blog, it resonated. And let’s be real she is EVIL, but in a good way.

  Today I felt like it was 1979 and that my training regimen back then of 95 miles a week was something I could maintain the rest of my life.  Well of course hardly. But the fact that I had the feeling that I am in training again was revelatory because not since the Boston Marathon have I felt this good both mentally and physically about my exercise regimen. 

The condensation on the windows gave its evidence of just how the thermodynamics of the CS were being pushed to its limit and the open door was a welcome relief towards the end of our ride.  Kristen referred to the main room as a meat locker and I just cannot reconcile just how frigid it is when I walk outside. It feels like I am in a Tropical Rain Forest and am Star Trek transported to the Arctic Circle.  I just came up with my own name and I call it The Forbidden Zone.  It’s pretend exercise out there and that’s where I played most of my tenure here.  Although the Stair Master is still a challenging piece of apparatus but it's LONELY.

P.S.

I cannot wait to pluck that retro picture from Facebook and guess where that will land?

P.P.S. Next Up: She's No Cupcake. 

Wayne's World

I have been reflecting on the epiphany I had last week in spinning class. And that is that rest is not an option and recovery is all I need to seek in the appointed hour.  There is simply no time to rest because it is an illusion I can tell myself but never experience until I hit the pillow at night. As I said earlier in the week we have 23 hours to rest.

Armed with that awareness I can focus more fully on recovery and therefore enjoy the effort to a much greater extent. I told you that KSC is Zen like and as I shift my paradigm yet again spinning becomes a deeply meditative state.  And breathing is part of meditation, as we all know.

Is this what it is like for anyone of you? 

In the movie from 1992 Wayne’s World, Wayne said: "I wasn’t aware of that."  I suffered from the misconception that breathing via the mouth got me more air to my lungs than my nose did.  I was right about that, I did get more ‘air’ but breathing through my nose gave my lungs  more oxygen and less CO2 than mouth breathing did.  It seems according to informed sources that the nasal passages filter out the carbon dioxide making the nose the better (and pardon the pun) channel. 

Thank you for all your reads this month a writer just wants to be read. 

Jaywalking

Never for a lack of words, but today had me searching around for some delicious descriptive semantics from the right corner of the CS.  A new spin instructor for me today was Bill Randall.  He had me charging enough to leave my familiar liquid triangle.  However, he committed heresy when he played The Doobie Brothers tune “Long Train Running” while on a respite in the saddle.  It’s not often that the music really grabs me but today Bill had two that struck a visceral chord, the other being The Police, “Living in a Material World”.

I do have to report that Nancy actually broke the pedals today, no fooling.  I heard this racket to my left and Ms. Three play put her Schwinn off to the Knackers Yard.  Breaking the pedals has taken on a new meaning since Nancy put a hurting on that poor bike.

Got up today not with much zeal I admit because I knew I was not going to dance with The Blue Sapphire in her usual 1015 slot but I had a date in the Bronx so I opted for the earlier edition.  Sometimes it’s hard to change instructors and the comfort zone is Kristen, Tripp and Carolyn.  But not one of the Equinox masters disappoint. 

This Sunday had me jaywalking; I usually cross at the corner not in the middle of the block like I did today.  Desire sometimes wanes even in this passionate avocation but there are days that you just have to bring the butt and the mind will follow. Today was one of those days. Hallelujah!

Don’t Cross the Street in the Middle in the Middle of the Block: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYyRR0GuTFI

Out for Blood

I thought that puddle beneath my bike looked red today. KSC is the only place where getting bludgeoned is what I expect and demand of myself.  And who can get so much out of us than Kristen.  Just when I think I am giving it my maximum effort I dig down and find something better, something faster, and something stronger.

There is never time to rest in KSC and I have come to the realization that there is barely time for recovery in the hour allotted.  And resting is a waste of time we have 23 hours in the day to do that.

 And with that revelation I have also made an adjustment when I sit back in the saddle and that is to pick up my RPM’s no matter what the current “road” is.  I finally got it in my head that when I sit my heart slows automatically and picking up speed is part of the recovery.  I liken it to hill climbing when I ran foot races.   The downhill was not a place to rest from the climb but a time to accelerate and pick up speed. 

I asked Nancy who might be amenable to talking to me about what Kristen’s Spin Class means to them, and she mentioned Lorraine.  And Lorraine said what a lot of us must feel and that is that there is no better motivator than KG.

 Not earth shaking but one of our female riders shocked me and compared spinning to the peak sensation.  You know the peak sensation, it’s a 6-letter word that starts with O and ends in an M?  I thought that was an unusual comparison but all right I never thought of it that way but this anonymous interviewee said a lot of her non athletic friends always ask her what spinning is all about and the word orgasm was the only one that seemed to suffice.  I still think it feels like I am kicking my ass but everyone is entitled to their opinion. 

The Neophytes

In the western outpost, Equinox Roslyn I observed something I have suspected since I have been working undercover and reporting to you my readers about the various goings on there.

And this is a story that I just have to break.  Kristen doubles as a kindergarten spin instructor at that CS  on Tuesdays. She treats these neophytes with kid gloves, nothing like the bare-knuckle type of uppercuts and right crosses we experience in Woodbury.  I know, I know we can take a punch there is not much doubt about that but in Roslyn they are just not ready for the caliber of expertise Kristen brings to the table.

Oh the classes are near capacity but other than spies like me who know what’s expected the average spinner in Roslyn barely knows what the hard zone is.  Not their fault Tinkerbelle was their former instructor.  If I know Kristen they will get it…eventually. 

The Century Mark

Something special. That’s what I told Kristen. I wanted to write something extraordinary in the 100^th post on Kristen’s Spin Class.  Your readership has made finding this blog easy as pie. Google:  Kristen’s Spin Class and there we are.   Never have I had the inspiration to write on virtually a daily basis as I have had writing about what goes on in this studio. 

I checked with my friend at Cycle Fusion and he found our blog amongst so many spin blogs and he said it was the way Kristen was described by us as the reason why he came here to observe what we already knew; we have the top instructor in the country.  Yes, yes Kristen might defer but we all know better.  We all know about her trips around the country teaching other instructors in the best club in America, Equinox. Just because we pay the most for our membership isn’t the only reason why it’s the best. It’s the best because the club is always on the cutting edge of what it’s member’s want and then giving it to us with the best exercise physiologists the country has to offer.

And no I do not work for Equinox but I have been here since day one in April of 2003 and it wasn’t until February 1 of this year did I come to grips with what this phenomena is all about. I was just lucky I found the Blonde Dynamo to help indoctrinate me to my commitment to get fit and lose weight but most important: to have fun.  How can it be any better?  Oh oh I said I would never give Kristen a nickname and I have done it twice in one week.

Hey I did say special didn’t I? 

Think about this for a minute. We are all in a room on a stationary bike, we don’t go anywhere, we have no brakes and yet we have gone up and down more hills than the Adirondacks and Catskills combined. And then to top it off we get a design for living, which has been described by me as a blend between a 12-step program and Zen spoken like a book on tape by a woman that we are all so fond of. We all know she’s not hard on the eyes but it’s what she says when she opens her mouth where the precious gems lie.  I call it Kristen Doctrine but you may have another phrase in mind.    Plenty of life’s lessons we have heard here.  Like leaving our outside life beyond the glass doors. When we are in the CS there is nothing else and virtually everything else can wait until we walk out. 

Last week Kristen was glancing at the poor things outside on the elliptical machines as if to say what are they doing? When I finish each session I make it a point to do a loop around the club and take in all the activity and there is a sense of pride that I really, really worked out.   Hey I was one of those poor souls and I used to think I broke my ass out there but I was just kidding myself because within this pentagon the real action takes place and it’s here I intend to stay. 

I was talking to Nancy on Tuesday in Roslyn and I asked her what was it about spinning in KSC like for her.  She said:  It’s like a drug, there is no better high you can get than spinning, especially when you get off the bike.  I have to agree I know all about addictions and this one has it’s own special flavor because you use your imagination and physical effort a lethal combination.

I would love to ask some of you to talk to me and tell me just what it is that KSC is for you.  No I am not running out of stories I think I have 1,000 left in me.

Kristen what have you to say please? 

Shoe Camp

After 6 days of spin classes I decided to mix it up and try Kristen’s Boot Camp.  I was late but spied an open spot on the floor complete with towels and a double step.  I didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth and so I  snuck in quite unceremoniously. 

The class was full capacity as usual which didn’t surprise me because all of her classes draw her devotees, like me for example. I was glad I was hidden in the back of the MS because I just wanted to blend in. In spin class I feel comfortable no matter where I am but here in-group exercise I am still a fish out of water. 

This was Boot Camp and coming from Military School I knew what that meant or at least I thought I did.  Plenty of lunges, leg extensions and dumb bell reps. what I wasn’t sure about was how my growing stamina in spin class would serve me here.  And I have to report the transfer was there. The lake under my feet was there as well.  My flexibility however has a lot to be desired though and I think I need to add Pilates to my regimen because when Kristen had us squat this elevator was not going down.  I was stuck in between floors.

I could see Don up front and he was in a position I would not want to be in and he was full of painful looking grimaces and was I have to say not keeping up with the Blonde Dynamo. I tried to keep pace with the  metronomes adjacent to me but elected my own speed and tried to concentrate on form instead. 

Boot Camp?  Let’s just say it might take some time before I am ready to lace up the boots of this kind of workout.  I watched Kristen perform and the only solace I could hold onto was how old I was.  Don't get me wrong I love how I feel but when you watch KG be prepared to be humbled. 

It's Electromagnetic

Have you experienced Kristen standing in front of your bike during class?  It’s electromagnetic.  Mix in your own energy and her charisma and you have a chain reaction that sets off an adrenaline surge that transfers automatically to the pedal stroke. It’s personal chemistry and nothing beats it. 

I find this amazing.  You have all felt this phenomenon, you’re with someone and you just click and an easy flow of conversation ensues.  It’s an energy transfer that is taking place, you can’t see it but you know it’s there!  Because when you walk away from that person you feel good.

Today Kristen was moving off her stage and walking among us and giving us all that personal attention she does so singularly well.  When she calls out our name during the session we just love it because it’s a fact of nature we love to hear our name being called. 

Every day KG gives us a 10 in effort than there are days like today when she cranks it up to 12. She was so animated filled with gesticulations and changing voice inflections, and for the first time in a long time I found myself watching her as well as listening because I didn’t want to miss a thing.  As I have said before it’s never the same because:

It’s electromagnetic. 

Chicken or the Egg?

The ceremony of getting in the class can overshadow the actual spin class. What I mean to say is that getting into the class takes precedence over (at least in the mind) of what we put our bodies through if we are lucky enough to get into her time slot. If there were an unlimited number of bikes what would KSC be like?  Have you ever given any thought to that?  When I am online and I am a microsecond behind logging in I know I will be sitting here as I am for the final 10 positions. But suppose I didn’t have to go through the literal excitement in front of the computer of waiting for the roulette wheel to stop and reveal:  You’re In! Or Online Reservations are Full.

I suppose that some of the fun about the nervousness we feel would disappear but would that make any difference?  Psychologically it might.  But just how did we get to the mysteria* for Kristen’s class in particular when to be frank there are other times where we could choose any bike in the CS with another instructor? Well that answer is simple enough it’s the talent and we have described that in graphic detail in the near 100 posts of this blog.  But what about the “how” (online or in person) we get into the class coupled with the actual class. Do they become interdependent upon each other?  Interesting for me at least to speculate about.  The “chicken” came first because the class is so damn good but the “egg” of getting into the class becomes a thing of beauty in itself.

I asked Bonnie and she said that it wouldn’t make any difference if there were an unlimited number of bikes but she loves the competition of the signing up process but it was how you chose to deal with the disappointment of not getting in and being able to accept it or not was the key. My attitude is if I get in online GREAT but if I don’t I can always sit here and write about it.

P.S.

That music selection on Wednesday was that GREAT or what?

* A new word derived from mystery and hysteria. 

The Incredible Shrinking Man

  The puddle beneath my bike was like a lake as I could see my reflection on the floor

All the professionals on Kristen’s staff are seasoned and talented and everyone with their own style and personality.  There are times I admit that when I hear an old song from the 20^th century I get particularly psyched up and tend to go a little overboard in and out of the saddle.  Maureen this past Sunday played some music from The Clash and I was at it again pumping my chest and adding my own voice to the chorus. She said: Who said that?  I owned up because it was a deeply memorable song.   Although I am not a big fan of hip-hop I have gotten to like some of the music that’s popular now.  But there is never again going to be the music they played from my life as a dancer in the 80’s.  Those songs take me into orbit because the memory of those times is attached to them. 

Today’s class as usual was different than any other class, the only thing the same was my pool drenched T-shirt. Even if the music is familiar the coaching always has a new twist to it.  What amazes me is that the intricacies of spinning are starting to fall into place for me between even pedal stroke, resistance on that red dial and RPM.  Kristen reminds us constantly to keep our shoulders from hunching up and God does that make for a more relaxed ride. I have not felt except from the beginning days a sore back or any discomfort in any part of my body because of the way she stresses proper form.

There was a movie from 1957, okay cut the wise cracks I know none of you were born then, but it was called The Incredible Shrinking Man.  The main  character goes through a mist while on his  boat and he starts to shrink and by the end of the movie he fits through the tiny squares on a window screen. I say that because I am shrinking and it’s noticeable because by the time I am showered and dressed I look at my reflection and I say:  Who is that man?  I am so thankful I found what you have all found an absolutely riveting sport that holds my attention and locks out the outside world because when I am here there is nothing else.  Spinning is like I have said Zen to me. 

Dawn Patrol

Dawn Patrol

I have been writing about my favorite addiction, spinning for a little more than 4 months now. What it has given me is a new sense of purpose. I know that some of you have had a good time reading as I have writing these experiential stories. 

It has been a long time since I ran a hundred miles a week but the feeling I used to get training for marathons has been reborn in me this time in a much healthier way.  I can’t remember why I ran so many years ago but I do know why I spin, it’s because people like Kristen and fellow riders like you make me happy and that’s enough for me. And so I will continue to write my stories with as much zeal as you have all given me.  And to Kristen I thank you not only for your authenticity but also for your devotion to your craft. 

Grace and Speed

Probably one aspect of spinning that I may have touched on but not given much heed to is our instructor’s voice. When the music is loud the female voice can have a tendency to ‘blend in’ with the music and make what is audible to be cancelled out. This goes for male voices as well as they tend to try to shout above the music and this   too can make hearing challenging.

Kristen does not seem to have this quirk of physics because her voice inflection is audible outside the music no matter what the volume is.  She also is a proponent of changing the pitch of her voice, which immediately grabs your attention and allows a deeper focus on the message she is giving us. We all enjoy the music selection, which helps us with motivation, and along with Kristen’s Zen like thoughts the marriage is complete. 

What I have been trying to also pay attention to  is my form. The women are naturally graceful but not I.  At first I never gave a thought to being graceful because I was frankly all over the place. I was too wrapped up in going for maximum effort without even thinking about what I looked like or more importantly how efficient I was in my ride.  Learning to cycle with more control however necessitated me to slow down my cadence and then building speed from there.  It has worked out better than I could have thought.  I will ask Kristen in her “Doctrine” column what features can assist us in making our ride not only effective but more graceful as well.

Gee Jack, could you be anymore analytical than this post?  Well I am starting to enjoy some of the more subtler aspects of spinning and me paying attention to form and “grace” has given me more satisfaction than just all out effort. 

The Queen's in the House

The stark realization hit me today when Kristen said to all of us:  “I missed you so much!”  The words hit me like an arrow to the heart as my eyes started to tear and I felt a rush of adrenaline in my solar plexus. The authenticity of her exclamation hit me like a grenade. I knew I missed her too.  Let’s face it we have some great spin instructors at Equinox, really great personalities, but No one No one is as talented as Kristen is. She has the knowledge that’s a given, but it’s her genuine stage presence that ignites our imagination, our effort and ultimately our satisfaction being in her class.

I have written in her absence about Mr. Mayhem, Captain Pacer, The Blue Sapphire and even the Bad Mamma Jamma but all are princes and princesses at the court of Kristen.  Am I gushing just a bit? Well that’s too bad because it’s simply the facts. 

Today the puddle under my bike was like after a rainstorm and my determination was as pumped up as ever and I tried to squeeze out just a little more juice from my orange peel.  The effort is always there in KSC and I know no one is watching except me but I have become a pretty tough critic making sure I am always kicking my butt. 

How did you like that exercise of 5 minutes keeping your mouth closed?  Tough but somehow I got through it and I know that breathing through your nose gives the lungs more oxygen than breathing through the mouth but it’s the discipline of keeping my mouth shut that challenges my effort and increases my focus.

One more thing from that and me is when I am in her class my mind never wanders outside the CS I can’t say that for anyone else. 

She's a Bad Mamma Jamma

She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma.  I had no idea what I was in for today in Roslyn.  I had told you that I had observed Michelle Corso outside the CS last week in Woodbury and she impressed me from a distance enough so that I wanted to take her next class, but up close live this woman knocked the cover off my baseball and left me with a handful of string by the end of the ride.  I was literally in tatters.

All day I have been trying to describe this woman’s physiology and here is what I came up with.  It’s like her skin was painted on her musculature.  Every single muscle was visible on her incredible physiology.   Her triceps and her rhomboid on her upper body were magnificent.  I can’t even begin to describe her leg muscles they were moving from warp 4 to 6 for the whole 60 minutes.  A flat out kinesiologist’s dream she is.

Okay let me get past this and get on to the session.  She has some sort of a transliminal messaging system going on that was mesmerizing because when she changed her inflection it was as if she was a ventriloquist whispering to us instructions throughout the ride.  Almost as if she was Obi-Wan Kenobi telling us the force was with us. 

I was positioned to her right and I had told her I was writing a story about her ride today and every once in awhile she would glance over and look at me as if to say:  “Are you getting all this?”  Oh Yeah I got it Michelle.  She has it all and I will be back again after I have been resuscitated.

Carl Carlton: She's a Bad Mamma Jamma http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Sl5VurCaIQ